ROUND FOUR

MND Roundtable Discussion on
Fathers' Rights and the Marriage Movement

There are two areas of broad agreement between the marriage movement and fathers’ rights advocates.

1. Children deserve fathers.  Fathers are more than paychecks.  Children tend to do best when raised by both of their parents in an intact, low-conflict marriage.  Fatherlessness is a serious social problem. 

2. Divorce rates are too high, and divorce tends to hurt children.

Those are two pretty big areas of agreement.  We need to be wary of the myth of the “Good Divorce,” but if a divorce occurs, it’s obviously better if a father continues to play a positive, involved role in the lives of his children.

In Round 2, I tried to show that I understand—at least, as best as one can without first-hand experience—where fathers’ rights advocates are coming from.  I’ve had many conversations email exchanges with divorced dads.  Their tales are full of pathos.  All I’ve essentially done here is express skepticism regarding the fathers’ rights agenda.  (Why should I accept one side of the story at face value?  What research suggests that custody reforms would benefit children?)  And when simple skepticism is met with hostility (though not from Stephen Baskerville or Roger Gay, I hasten to add), there’s no way fathers’ rights groups will grow in influence.  Nor should they.

I wrote, "There is no convincing evidence that fathers’ rights reforms would significantly improve the lives of children."  For what it’s worth, opponents of the marriage movement point out that there is no convincing evidence that healthy marriage initiatives will work.  And they’re right.  Yet when confronted by that point, marriage advocates typically discuss the suggestive evidence and theoretical reasons for why such initiatives are worth trying. 

It’s tougher to have a positive influence when there’s a lot of parental conflict.  Social science research is quite consistent on this point.  And it’s tougher for a parent to have a positive influence when he (or she) lives apart from his (or her) children.  Again, the research is rather consistent on this point.  But the problem isn’t custody laws.  The problem is divorce.  So, the marriage movement wants to reduce unnecessary divorce.  At its core, the marriage movement is not about blaming men.  It’s not about blaming women.  It’s not about blaming the government.  At its core, it’s not about blame.  It’s about trying to help men and women develop healthy, lasting marriages.  It’s about building a culture that is more supportive of marriage and fatherhood.  Fathers' rights advocates should have no problem with that.

Tom Sylvester