It’s one of those things that’s well-known among those who are a part of the men’s rights movement, but the public at large is mostly unaware how orders of protection are abused in divorce cases as a tool to gain the upper hand in court. Equally unknown by the public is the serious harm this causes to the accused, especially when he is innocent of these charges and expects to continue living a normal life.

 

Terms of Enforcement: Making Men Pay for What They've Done provides meticulous detail of one man’s experience as an unwitting pawn in the divorce game. Married for 30 years, Steven Richmond is informed one day by his wife that she needs her own space, and graciously allows her to stay in the house while he moves elsewhere ‘temporarily.’ This is his first mistake in a serious of grievous errors that would destroy his livelihood, and damage (perhaps irreparably) his relationship with his adult children. It is a valuable resource for anyone in the beginning stages of divorce, or considering divorce, as a tutorial in what not to do.

 

At times his actions would seem extreme even to some of those familiar with the state of the divorce courts in this political climate. His behavior is explained by the fact that he was under long-term withdrawal from prescribed drugs; yet even those not in that kind of situation have also been known to do things that appear utterly outrageous. The common denominator is the stress of living the hell of a divorce action, which I have seen many times over in discussions with men in the same circumstances. A section of the book entitled, “The Rules of Retrenchment,” found on page 187, written as an exercise for his therapist, Dr. Morgan, gives an overview of possible reasons why courts and others involved in the legal aspects of divorce act they way they do. While reading I kept nodding my head in agreement. It’s the way it is, all right.

 

While the content is important material, I’d be less than honest if I didn’t point out that the book does have some technical problems. It is arranged in too many, too-short chapters, which is often a problem with self-published material. In this case, however, it seems to work, since the events of a tragedy seldom unfold in a logical fashion, and it does give the reader a bit more insight into the disjointed, disoriented emotional state of a man in the process of divorce.

 

The reader is never entirely sure if the therapist, Dr. Morgan, is a real person or a literary device. Her appearance in the narrative is sometimes a distraction. I must admit I’m no expert on psychotherapy, but I didn’t entirely understand why it was necessary to provide several difficult chapters at the end of the book making the process seem humiliating at best. I was also disappointed when it looked like the therapist was going to explain why the wives instituting divorce actions so often fall into malicious, damaging behavior that causes such harm to their families. This is something I’ve often wondered about, and hoped to finally get an explanation. It would appear Dr. Morgan believes in one case it’s a situation of the woman getting back at her father, and this is somehow brilliant(?). I can’t agree that so many thousands of women have those kinds of ‘issues’ with their fathers, nor can I agree this excuses their behavior.

 

Otherwise, this is an excellent book, not only for the insight it provides, but also for the fact it is written by a man without child custody issues arising in his case. Most often it has been men with children that are the most vocal, and this book shows that divorce can be a horror for any man, not only fathers of small children.

For those who’d like to learn more, Steve Richmond is speaking at the 2nd Annual Conference On Male Victims Of Domestic Abuse, sponsored by the Battered Men’s Helpline. The conference takes place on October 19, 2002, at the University of Southern Maine, in Portland. His presentation is entitled “Abused Men: A Blind Spot in the Vision of Social Work.”

From the event press release: “Using his 30 years experience as child welfare specialist, policy administrator, and clinician, Steve Richmond will give background on the history of Social Work as a profession, and point out the ways in which it has developed in the last hundred years, paying special attention to ways in which Social Work has regarded men. He also points out some of the ways Social Work has developed in its understanding and response to the needs of families and family violence.”

Trudy W. Schuett

For more info on the BMH conference contact Jan Brown at help@noexcuse4abuse.org