Fundamentalists have such a demon-inspired hatred of homosexuals, that they froth at the mouth at the absurd prospect of animated characters or puppets being homosexual.

A few years back, Jerry Falwell denounced Tinky Winky as a flaming homosexual because the sweet-spirited creature has a penchant for carrying a purse.

Fundies have for years whispered in church foyers that Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie are more than just roommates.

James Dobson, head of "Focus On The Family", claims that SpongeBob SquarePants is on an unholy mission to recruit children into the gay realm.

Cartoon characters dwell in a different dimension and they are able to defy the laws of physics (wouldn't you love to walk on air?), but we can't seem to stop drafting them into America's cultural wars.

But now evangelicals' worst nightmare has come true: An out of the closet cartoon character. TV's longest-running and best-written show, Fox's animated "The Simpsons," had a gay coming-out of a longtime character: Marge Simpson's sister Patty Bouvier.

Patty fell for LPGA golfer Veronica after getting beaned with her club. Unfortunately, it wasn't a love meant to last. Veronica turned out to be a man in LPGA clothing -- he was unmasked at the altar, betrayed by a protruding adam's apple.

I'm not sure that gays and lesbians will embrace the ugly, chain-smoking, dour and mean-spirited Patty as a gay icon, but she is now at the center of the gay marriage controversy.

And I'm sure that the LPGA is not doing cartwheels at this kind of publicity, it's been an inside joke for years that "LPGA" is an acronym for Lesbians Professional Golfing Association.

The controversial episode ended on a happy note, Marge embraced her sister Patty and her sexuality. "Just because you're a lesbian doesn't make you less of a being," Marge proclaims.

As the Simpsons goes, so does the nation? Unfortunately, most evangelicals will defy physics and walk on air, before they embrace family values and accept gay marriage.

Robert Paul Reyes

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References:

Bait and Switch: Feminist/Gay Axis Using SpongeBob to Fight 'Compulsory Hetrosexuality'

Are SpongeBob's Pants Really Square?

Pro-Family Leader Says Media Using SpongeBob Controversy To Hide Truth