August 5, 2005
“Hello, Discovery, this is Mission Control. We have a few problems, over.”
“Problems! You’re telling us there are more problems, over!”
“A chunk of foam fell off the fuel tank again. It hit the heat shield again. It didn’t do any damage though, over.”
“The foam fell off again! That was the cause of the Columbia tragedy in 2003. The foam punctured the shuttle’s wing. The puncture allowed superheated gases to flow inside during reentry. The superheated gases caused Columbia to disintegrate. How the heck did the foam fall off again, over?”
“We goofed, Discovery. Those were the exact words of NASA Chief Michael Griffin. He said we goofed on key safety checks, over.”
“But NASA just spent $1 billion during the past 2 1/2 years to completely overhaul the shuttle program! Yet we’ve been plagued with problems from the start of our mission, over.”
“Well, that’s partly because we’re being so cautions on your mission, Discovery. NASA engineers have equipped your shuttle with a robotic arm tipped with cameras and other instruments. We’re finding things that we may have missed before, over.”
“What kind of THINGS, over?”
“Funny you should ask, Discovery. The cameras found strands of thermal cloth dangling off the shuttle's belly. No big deal really. Do you have any scissors or a hacksaw on board, over.”
“Scissors! A hacksaw! Perhaps we can swing by the Home Depot, over.”
“Sorry, Discovery, but you’re going to have to send someone outside your shuttle to snip those dangling strands, over.”
“What are we, Pep Boys, over?”
“You’ve done repair work on the Hubble Telescope. You’ve helped to build and maintain the International Space Station. Though you haven’t practiced this particular task, we know you can tackle the job, over.”
“For goodness sakes, Mission Control, what has happened to NASA and America’s once prestigious space program? We used to be so bold, so confident, over.”
“Let’s not get down on ourselves, Discovery. We’ve had only two failed space shuttle missions out of 114 -- that’s a 98 percent success rate. Remember all the unique scientific studies the shuttle has allowed us to do in space. Remember that the Hubble Telescope and International Space Station would be nothing without the shuttle, over.”
“Yes, this is true, but our recent foul-ups have really given us a black eye. Polls show that only six in ten Americans think we should continue the shuttle program. Editorial pages are calling for the program to be scrapped. The program’s future isn’t looking so good, over.”
“Sure, Discovery, some argue that the shuttle technology is outmoded and that there are safer and cheaper ways to conduct scientific experiments in space. Some argue that NASA has become such a large government bureaucracy, nobody can manage it. Others argue about the exorbitant costs. But there’s no reason to worry about the shuttle program, over.”
“Why not, over?”
“You may have lost some faith in NASA, Discovery, but never lose faith in the American political system. Way too many political interest groups have way too much to loose if the shuttle program ever got shut down. They’ll be coming out of the woodwork shortly to keep everything pretty much as it is, over.”
“So NASA won’t get the real overhaul it so desperately needs, over?”
“Not until the American people rise up and demand it, and they don’t seem to be paying close enough attention to demand much of anything. In fact, there’s only one minor thing for us to worry about at the moment, over.”
“What’s that, Mission Control, over?”
“The cameras also found a tear on a heat-blocking blanket under the cockpit window. It’s probably no big deal, but do you have any duct tape on board, over?”
