Men, Women and Valentine's Day

February 13, 2004

I have an important Valentine's Day message for women: Dr. Laura is right about men.

In her book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands," Dr. Laura says that men are simple creatures. That all we want is some appreciation, respect, a full belly and a little lovin', and she's exactly right.

Unfortunately, too few men are enjoying such treatment anymore. No, many are getting the precise opposite: disdain, hypersensitivity, criticism, bullying and nagging.

Why? It's because, says Schlessinger, women no longer know how to use their "feminine wiles" to bring out the best in men. This traces directly back to the feminist movement.
 
"Since Gloria Steinem said 'women need men like fish need bicycles,' more than a generation of women have foolishly bought that destructive nonsense and have denigrated men, marriage, familial obligation, and motherhood - all to their own detriment."

I'm glad Dr. Laura is able to say this, because a man could get shot for making such a charge. But she is not suggesting that women should become the subservient little wives of old. No, she is simply saying that too many women have been biting off their nose to spite their face.

Look, ladies, we men ARE simple creatures. It's true there are a million things we don't do right. Men are more likely than women to leave the groceries on the roof of the car before exiting onto the interstate. We're more likely to not notice that the diapers need changed or that the kitchen sink is overflowing.
 
But there are two ways to approach us: negative or positive.

The negative approach is the popular one these days. For 40 years now, the world has pointed out our numerous shortcomings. To be sure, we were guilty on a number of counts and we worked hard to correct our wrongs, but now we don't know don't know what women want.

You see, what we have always wanted most is to please our women. In the old days, even a bald chubby guy could win a women's appreciation just by earning a CPA. But now the persistent dissatisfaction of our women is becoming the ruin of us.

To please you, many men are exhausting themselves at the gym to improve their looks and perfect their six-pack abs. Others are at the mall, dolling themselves up in the trendiest fashions and talking hours to their hairstylists about the latest goop to put in the hair. Some are taking sensitivity classes to get in touch with their feelings, which is ridiculous. We men have feelings! We may not use them, but we have them.

And the more sissified we become, the less happy you become - the less able we are to figure out what it is that you want. Heck, I was raised the only boy with five sisters and even I have no idea what women want. I think it has something to do with changing the toilet paper roll when the toilet paper runs out, but who knows.

In any event, ladies, there is a better way to approach us: The positive way. Instead of dwelling on what we're doing wrong, why not consider what we're also doing right. Why not help us get better at doing what is right.

One of Dr. Laura's listeners summed our situation up in a nutshell:

"A husband is like a horse. If his master drives and beats him, he'll go just so far before bucking and rebelling. But if you love him, if you coax him, he'll drive himself till his heart explodes before he will let down his master."

That is the absolute truth about most men, ladies. Our happiness is directly related to how happy we make you. Your happiness is directly related to how happy you help us to become. It's not complicated. Men and women need each other to be happy.

But don't ask me, ask Gloria Steinem. She got married a few years ago.

Tom Purcell

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