Dolphins, PETA and the USA

March 28, 2003

The Navy has unleashed its secret weapon in the war in Iraq -- the Atlantic bottled nosed dolphin -- and the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) sure aren't happy about it.

You see, Dolphins are clever animals. And because they have sonar, they're very effective at detecting the land mines the Iraqis are slipping into the Persian Gulf shipping lanes.

Well, no sooner did this story break than the PETA folks were up in arms.  They were quoted in a handful of different reports, but the one that delighted me most was posted on TheSmokingGun.com.

"Our troops deserve the best defense possible, but PETA opposes the use of dolphins, sea lions, or any other marine mammals."

Well, no shock there.  A few years ago when beavers had dammed up the Tidal Basin in Washington - turning the place into more of a tidal wave - PETA argued that the beavers be left alone.

"The project is cruel and cannot provide a reliable defense or surveillance for our troops."

Well, that's jumping to conclusions. Dolphins can swim fast, dive deep and don't have to worry about depth, temperature or the other things less reliable human divers are faced with.

"The Navy claims they are not putting these animals in harm's way, but they've removed these animals from their homes (and) relocated them to foreign waters in the Persian Gulf"

War certainly is hell. I only hope and pray the dolphins are allowed to use some kind of communication vehicles to swap sonar with their families back home.

"And (the Navy is) forcing them to not only inspect the waters, but to actually swim up to potential terrorists under the water, clamp a cuff on their leg, and deploy a floating marker. How can anyone say these animals are not being put in harm's way?"

It's true. There are no guarantees in war. It is likely that Hussein has trained his own dolphin loyalists (the fedadolphines?) who are at this moment terrorizing the other fish by threatening to break their fins.

"These are living beings with minds of their own, and though they are incredibly intelligent, they have no idea that lives will be lost if they fail to perform tasks properly."

God forbid that our highly trained dolphins would have the same burden that our 300,000 other fighting men and women are faced with.

"Yet, the military wants to rely on the actions of these animals in order to protect our troops. Our troops deserve the best defense possible and this isn't it. The animals and our troops deserve better."

Actually, the dolphins are extraordinarily effective. Who knows how many lives they'll save by preventing ships from blowing up. And thanks to their handiwork, humanitarian aid shipments can dock, so we can get food, water and medicine to the Iraqi people.

In any event, I know most agree that our PETA folks are awfully silly to be so worried about dolphins when the lives of so many people are at stake. But their silliness is telling about who we are and what this war is partly about.

At this moment, Hussein's henchmen are slaughtering their own people for the crime of waving to American troops. For years, hundreds of thousands of people have been murdered, tortured and imprisoned just for criticizing Hussein. And no one doubts his henchmen will blow up their own shops if they can pin the civilian bloodshed on America.

Meanwhile in America our people are so immersed in freedom - so oblivious to the fact that most places around the world are run by corrupt thugs who rule with force and pain, and that most people around the world live in desperation and hunger - that we are free to fret over the fate of dolphins.

This is silliness, of course, but it is terrific, too, because it reflects the health of our country. And it is terrific that so many anti-war protesters are able to decry the pain and suffering of war. It is true that logical arguments can be made both for and against this war, but most protesters aren't making them. They're simply complaining against pain and suffering, forgetting that both are usually the price that is paid to acquire freedom and long-term peace in the first place.

And I hope that the war in Iraq ends quickly, and that one day soon the people of Iraq will be as immersed in freedom and prosperity as we are. Who knows, maybe they'll get so used to NOT living in fear that they'll get their own chapter of PETA. Then they'll be free to worry about the fate of dolphins, too.

Tom Purcell