George Washington Makeover

February 14, 2003

"What do you mean you don't know who George Washington is?"

"Dude?"

"He was our first president, our best president and one of the primary reasons the experiment called America was able to work. But of course they don't teach you about such things in school anymore."

"Dude?"

"Scholars and historians deemed Washington to be our greatest president in a Wall Street Journal survey.  But another survey shows that Washington's coverage in history textbooks has declined to less than ten percent of what it was in the early 1960s."

"Dude?"

"Sure, to your generation Washington was just a boring old guy. He isn't as captivating as the pop singers, movie stars and professional athletes you worship. That's why the people at Mt. Vernon have had to raise millions of dollars to launch a campaign to reshape Washington's image."

"Dude?"

"The Mount Vernon people are constructing a high-tech Orientation Center, Education Center and Museum right on the grounds of Mt. Vernon, Washington's estate. These new facilities will feature the story of a younger, more studly George Washington."

"Dude?"

"See, the presentations are being designed to appeal to you short-attention-span types who get most of your information from MTV. A 15-minute film will use action-packed techniques to feature a range of Washington's accomplishments."

"Duuuuude?"

"No, the film and multimedia presentations will not feature Washington blowing up terrorists, nor will Arnold Schwarzenegger costar.  But they will tell the story of a remarkable man."

"Dude?"

"Did you know that Washington was born into a modestly well-to-do family. What little education he got was given to him by his father and stepbrother. He was a farmer and surveyor and through some inheritance, shrewd business dealings and hard work, he grew his fortune."

"Dude?"

"From early on he was a natural leader. He had an imposing presence, standing nearly 6'3" at a time when the average man was about 5'8".  And he was invincible. During one battle in the French and Indian war, four bullets ripped his coat and two horses were shot from under him, yet he was unscathed."

"Dude?"

"He represented the rebellious American spirit, you see, and he led the charge to break away from the restrictions and regulations of the British.  In 1775, he took command of a motley crew army and led them in a war that lasted six grueling years."

"Dude?"

"And, dude, there was no way he should have had a chance against the British. But he used American ingenuity to completely outwit them. He retreated when they expected him to fight, he fought when they expected him to retreat. Many historians believe that no other man could have won this war and without Washington, America's history would have been completely different."

"Dude?"

"And after he beat the British, he was so popular he could have become a king or dictator. Instead, he used his immense power to help establish the Constitution, which grants power to us little folks. Then he became our first president. He wanted nothing to do with the job, but the country needed his leadership in order to survive."

"Dude?"

"After eight long years as president, Washington was finally able to return to his beloved Mt. Vernon to farm and enjoy life. But he would only live three years in retirement before dying at the young age of 67."
   
"Dude?"

"The point is, dude, that one man can make a remarkable difference in the world. Washington was truly a hero - a man who lived his life by simple virtues and a sense of duty. Without Washington, the experiment we call America might not have worked."

"Dude?"

"And that is why the people at Mt. Vernon are going to so much trouble to make sure we don't forget his story. Our young are blessed with so many comforts, it is easy for them to take our freedom for granted - and easy to overlook the story of how our freedom was won. So if we have to reshape Washington's image to appeal to the young then so be it." 

"Dude?"

"And here is something that I'm sure you'll find appealing about Washington: Did you know that he grew hemp, better know as marijuana, at his Mt. Vernon estate?

"Duuuuude!"

Tom Purcell