Tobacco and Other Taboos
April 20, 2004
I
think I can safely assume that we are all pretty much in accord that
booze, drugs and cigarettes are generally harmful to one's health. In
the best of all possible worlds, there would be no consumer demand for
any of those products. And while we're at it, nobody would eat red meat,
listen to rap or vote for Democrats.
But how can we expect the world to improve when it refuses to learn from its mistakes? For instance, take Prohibition. Before 1920, most Americans who did any serious drinking were drunks. But once it became an illicit activity, everyone, including women and college kids, had to get into the act.
If you didn't know the password at half a dozen speak-easies, you were a social outcast. Before you could say Al Capone or Joe Kennedy, the country was knee-deep in gangsters, rotten cops and crooked politicians. But did we learn from the dismal failure of the so-called Great Experiment?
Of course not.
Instead,
the government next presumed to tell people what they could and couldn't
sniff, snort or shoot into their own bodies. Under the guise of protecting
the youth of this nation, federal and state governments once again put
untaxable millions into the pockets of hoodlums, overwhelmed the courts
and jails, corrupted society from top to bottom and, for good measure,
convinced kids that drug abuse was cool.
Having enjoyed so much success in their campaigns to stamp out booze and drugs, the yahoos inevitably turned their attention to nicotine. Not satisfied having a United States surgeon general pronounce smoking harmful, and forcing the cigarette companies to post dire warnings on their packages and billboards, they naturally took the next step. Through a series of blue laws and prohibitive taxes, the New Puritans are doing their level best to banish tobacco from the national scene.
Although smoking hasn't yet been made illegal, the early results of all this self-righteous activity can already be seen on the nation's high school campuses, where, according to a recent poll, a staggering 46% of the students either smoke or chew tobacco products. It's just possible that Rob Reiner has been responsible for pushing more coffin nails than Joe Camel and the Marlboro Man put together.
Surely I am not the only person who can see a pattern here. As usual, however, I seem to be the only one who also sees a solution. Inasmuch as the activities of the bureaucrats and busybodies inevitably result in a huge demand for whatever it is they want eliminated from American society, how about the next time they set off on a crusade, they try banishing good movies, classical music and spinach?
If you liked this article, perhaps you'll also like Burt's collection from Scorched Earth Press, "Conservatives Are From Mars, Liberals Are From San Francisco." Order your autographed copy now from BurtPrelutsky.com.
©2004 Burt Prelutsky
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