Tea and Taxes
March 16, 2004
There are certain people in our nation's history who have been allowed to slide into anonymity, leaving only their skullduggery to haunt us. I mean, there have been villains in our past other than Benedict Arnold, John Wilkes Booth and Jimmy Carter's barber. Take "The Star-Spangled Banner" conspiracy, for example. Who was it, I'd like to know, who decided that of all the tunes composed up to 1931 we would be saddled with the only one that nobody on earth would be able to sing or -- worse yet -- care to? Its lyrics are awful enough, but its melody is an ear-curdling combination of yodeling and gargling. One only needs to hear 50,000 fans at a baseball game trying to sing it to realize that the men behind its adoption as our national anthem were either tone-deaf or turncoats.
Then
there is the little matter of the Boston Tea Party. That was the incident
back in 1773, you'll no doubt recall, that helped touch off the American
Revolution. A bunch of overzealous Bostonians disguised as redskins
boarded three English ships and pitched their cargo of tea into the
harbor; their rallying cry was no taxation without representation.
Thanks to those busybodies in Boston Harbor, today each of us is represented, if you wish to call it that, by councilmen, supervisors, mayors, assemblymen, state senators, a lieutenant governor, a congressman, two U.S. senators, a vice-president and the big chief. That adds up to well over a million dollars in salaries alone -- not counting free gas, franking privileges, foreign junkets, and an occasional floozy on the payroll.
When you get right down to it, it's a lot like having a dozen or so freeloading relatives sucking you dry.
Quite honestly, I wish those Bostonians had stayed home that day and left well enough alone. Hindsight being what it is, I have to tell you I'd really have preferred paying that extra penny or two for my morning beverage.
If you liked this article, perhaps you'll also like Burt's collection from Scorched Earth Press, "Conservatives Are From Mars, Liberals Are From San Francisco." Order your autographed copy now from BurtPrelutsky.com.
©2004 Burt Prelutsky
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