Demonic Men, Angelic Women IV
August 31, 2004
Common sense ain’t common. - Will Rogers
It Takes Two To Tango
There are many national organizations and programs that want men to redefine themselves. And perhaps many men should. One of the earliest organizations is the White Ribbon Campaign. You can find an extensive list of other 35 other organizations here. Their central premise is that men are bad and need to change.
Another organization the, Family Violence Prevention Fund, has an extensive program, “Coaching Boys into Men”. It asks men to take the initiative and talk with boys about violence against women. It is almost, if not totally, impossible to find any programs that will address female violence against men or girls against boys.
The fundamental feminists [people who believe that women’s rights are more important than victim’s or civil rights] have now moved from men are bad to boys are bad. Few if any people it seems want to talk to girls or women about their behavior?
I have recently discovered an organization that documents the real problem that the above organizations are either unable or unwilling to understand. The goal of all these programs is to change the behavior of boys, however, this one is little different than most. Information about it appeared in the August 29, 2004 Parade article, “He Turns Boys Into Men”.
The founder of the program is coach Joe Ehrmann, a former National Football player. He has discovered, without recognizing it, what all these other programs have missed. Ehrmann believes the “three lies of false masculinity” are athletic ability, sexual conquest and economic success are not the best measurements of manhood. And he may very well be correct.
There is little doubt that the majority of the other programs would agree with him. Ehrmann believes that “We [men] compare, we [men] compete. That’s all we ever do. It leaves most men feeling isolated and alone. And it destroys any concept of community.” And again, Ehrmann may very well be right.
Men turn to crime far more than women and they are arrested far more often than women. Approximately 95% of our prisoners are males. With one exception every offender executed during the last several decades has been male. Men are twice as likely as women to suffer serious assault and three times more likely to be a victim of a homicide. Men are four times more likely to commit suicide. Men suffer far more stress related heart attacks and die 10 percent earlier than women.
However, similar to the vast majority of programs for men and boys, the why men and boys behave the way they do is missing from the Ehrmann program. And in fact the demonic men angelic female belief has become the norm for almost all programs, public and private, concerning dating or intimate partner violence.
What is missing from all these programs is that there is little to no doubt that athletic ability, sexual conquest and economic success is the ways femalesmeasure masculinity in men. Athletic ability, sexual conquest and economic success is what females in contemporary society have come to expect from men. If there is guilt here, let it start here.
To Be A Better Man
There is little to nothing that I disagree with concerning what Coach Ehrmann program and what he believes is the challenge for men. All I disagree with is why Ehrmann believes men think that way and women do not. At the end of the football season each senior reads what he would like his obituary to be. Linebacker David Caperna read:
David was a man who fought for justice and accepted the consequences of his actions. He was not a man who would allow poverty, abuse, racism or any sort of oppression to take place in his presence. David carried with him the knowledge and pride of being a man built for others.
There is little to nothing that David speaks of that I would disagree with. However, when David speaks of oppression I am reminded of fundamental feminists who myopically and steadfastly believe that domestic violence is caused by the oppression of women by men. This leads me to these final thoughts.
Cause and Effect
In contemporary society everything bad is laid at the feet of men. The article notes that men must recognize the “three lies of false masculinity.” Athletic ability, sexual conquest and economic success are not the best measurements of manhood.
Recognizing that I am generalizing, I submit that many men buy into the athletic ability, sexual conquest and economic success because that is specifically what most women want and expect of men. And most men, particularly young men, do what they think women want because they want women.
The vast majority of women want men who are “hunks.” If you do not think this true, before you begin to argue your point all I ask is that you look at the magazines that line the checkout rows in super markets. The term “checkout” takes on another meaning there.
These magazines are all about the ways women can get and hold on to a “man.” And the majority of women want to “get” and “hold onto” men with athletic bodies. They do desire nor want nerds or skinny little men with glasses.
However, if the skinny little man with glasses has lots and lots of money or political power he can become an acceptable substitute for the athlete. And if you do not think women have as much of an obsession with sexual prowess I suggest you simply read some of the articles in those magazines.
These “false lies of masculinity” expectations women have and demand of men is what causes many men to define themselves in the manner Coach Ehrmann believes is unacceptable. And perhaps we should agree with the Coach. We should all find these “false lies of masculinity” to be unacceptable.
Men, especially young men, are very well aware of these three lies of “false masculinity” as these behaviors are consistently and constantly held up by women in our contemporary culture as the measurements of being a real man. Arnold of California agrees that women don’t want “girly” men, they want manly men.
The desire and expectations of many women is the cause and the behavior of many men is the effect. It is the behavior of women, that causes this behavior in some men. Coach Ehrmann needs to change his program to include women. His program needs to be a partnership, male and female, where each shares responsibility for their behavior.
As good as his football program is, they have been undefeated three of the last six years, to really be successful at behavioral change it has to become a program where males and females accept responsibility for their individual actions and behavior. It takes two to tango. It is extremely problematic to expect men to think “What can I do for you?” while women continue to define their thoughts and actions based on the three lies of false masculinity that Coach Ehrmann so abhors.
