Pining for Tragedy
September 12, 2003
by Bernard Chapin
Well,
last week somebody lost their temper and unfortunately it was not
Miss Dowd. It happened to be your irritable narrator. I sent this
email to the aged libertine:
Dear Mo,
Your column today was a new low. You know nothing about history,
foreign policy or any other adult subjects. Why don’t you take your
illogical, PMS rants over to the Fashion page? Have you ever thought
of editing a series of coloring books? You’d do a good job. You
could pick the colors.
Please consider,
Bernard Chapin
I was hoping to flush the turkey into the area where my rifle blind
was set up, but, alas, I fear I will never hear from her again. Oh
well, I can always attempt psychic communication with Mata Hari instead.
Besides, by Dowd’s personal value system, my email had merit because
it was emotional, mean-spirited, and sincere.
Maureen’s column today is yet another attempt to project her own
personal difficulties onto the nation’s body politic. Indeed, this
piece is all about Maureen and aptly titled: “We’re
Not Happy Campers.” Now, I admit that if I were Miss Dowd I’d
be pretty miserable too, but does she have the right to include the
rest of us in her state of dysphoria?
Dowd gets a hold of the news tidbit about Saudi Arabia banning Barbi
as a Jewish doll, and then tries to link their radical Islamic insanity
to the Bush Administration [“but of course,” you’re thinking]: “The
place so eager to protect itself from ‘Jewish’ toys and ‘the perverted
West,’ the breeding ground of the 9/11 hijackers, is still the Bush
administration's close ally.”
The way she makes distortions about our relationship with Saudi Arabia
is nearly obscene. The Bush Administration, and just about everybody
else in America, has few illusions
about the Saudis. Their Wahabbi brand
of Islam is the most viral and evil in the world. We hope that,
after the Saudis experienced a near 9/11 experience earlier this summer,
they’ll wizen up about the threat of radical Islam. I rather doubt
they will but anything’s possible.
Maureen has utterly contaminated notions about how to run a country.
America must cooperate with unsavory regimes in order to ensure the
safety of its citizens. Even presidents who are Democrats, for the
most part, understand this. Clinton worked with the Saudis and FDR
practically changed his name to Rooseveltshvilli in honor of Stalin
(I made that up, but his affection for Stalin was genuine). Dealing
with the unjust is part of life, yet the dejected, delusional anti-intellects
of the left, like Miss Dowd, do not understand this fact. They also
understand little about the tenuous realities concerning our existence
on earth.
Then she predictably maligns the administration about Iraq: “Far
from being the swift and gratifying lesson in U.S. dominance that
Cheney & Co. predicted, our incursion into Iraq is turning into
a spun-out, scary lesson in the dangers of hubris.”
Well, we already know that Maureen’s the type of bleeb who has a
panic attack when the networks change the time of her favorite Saturday
morning cartoons, but, for the rest of the population, we understand
that paramilitary whackos don’t suddenly disappear after a couple
of speeches. However, the situation this week has become down right
promising. Information has been obtained documenting that the psychos
are emptying out from their Afghanistani training camps. Soon they’ll
be spilling into Iraq where our military can use them for target practice.
This will increase the security of our frontier and keep terror from
our cities, which is the outcome that Miss Dowd and the rest of the
American-hating left dread more than any other.
Then she states, “By pretending Iraq was crawling with Al Qaeda,
they've created an Iraq crawling with Al Qaeda.” Good! Let’s liquidate
them in the sands of Saddam! Hurrah! She grants out my argument
here completely even though offers no evidence about Al Qaeda not
being affiliated with Iraq.
Maureen closes with the obligatory nod to malignant feminism: “I
never thought I'd say this, but watching Dan Quayle's marble bust,
unveiled yesterday at the Capitol — soon to join John Adams, Thomas
Jefferson and Spiro Agnew — I was nostalgic for the days when Murphy
Brown's baby amounted to a serious mess.” Ah, here it is, the sick
left always tries to fight the culture war when addressing other issues.
What Maureen is trying to say is that Murphy Brown, a television character
who’s state of single motherhood Dan Quayle once made a negative comment,
is not such a big deal in comparison to our foreign policy.
She could not be more wrong about that. The female single parent
is the most lethal disaster of our time. It has caused more damage
to our society than a thousand terrorist cells.
Last month,
William F. Buckley described the debacle of a nation swarming with
single parents:
“If the above is true, is it also self-evident? We know that the
composite impact of single-parent homes on children is huge. The poverty
rate in single-parent homes is 400 percent of that for two-parent
homes. Among long-term prison inmates, 70 percent grew up without
a father in residence. There are comparable figures for illiteracy
and drug use. The social problems we concern ourselves with in our
mammoth federal programs would substantially end with the reconstitution
of traditional family life.”
Miss Dowd pines for more chaos to be woven into our social fabric;
just as she wishes our nation complete catastrophe in its war on terrorism.
Bernard Chapin
Bernard Chapin
is a writer in Chicago.
