Desperately Seeking Logic
August 1, 2003
by Bernard Chapin
While
it may not be Christmas, earlier this week I was in the mood for a
little gift giving, so I created an example of an ideal personal advertisement
for Maureen on my blog, The
Chapin Nation. For her, the personal is always political
and the political is always delusion; thus, I knew she wouldn’t mind
the penning of a few delusions on her behalf. I have no doubt that
she may consider using it someday.
Desperately Seeking Logic!
Old enough to know better mangy chick, searching for submissive,
"everything you do honey is okay" type of male. Age irrelevant.
One hundred thousand a year at least in income and/or 1,000,000 in
illiquid assets. Please forward social security number for earnings
verification. I'm a devoted, enthusiastic, columnist working for
a leftist daily, er– I mean the paper of record–who no longer wants
to be only "a bit of stray." Please do not mention the names
Michael Douglas or Catherine Zeta Jones around me. I'm at the point
where I can no longer reproduce which means you should be okay with
it and think my barrenness interesting. You will go to dinners with
me so I can show you off to my friends who think I'm a lost cause.
You, of course, will then lie to me and treat me like I'm still 20
and not jaded. Sex is something we can discuss later, much later.
Extra points if you are repulsed by “men of means by no means” internet
types who taunt me for being a hysterical harpy. I’ll respect my
diversity and so will you. Email me your application at Liberties@nytimes.com.
I mentioned Michael Douglas because the guys at freerepublic.com (hi Frankie) always show pictures of Catherine Zeta Jones whenever Dowd’s name is mentioned. Apparently, they do this because Michael Douglas was once Dowd’s ex-boyfriend. I presume that this relationship was forged at a time when Douglas felt the need to punish himself in someway and was unsuccessful in locating a hair shirt.
California Graywash.
Dowd’s column from Sunday concerned the recall of the incompetent and corrupt Gray Davis, who, of course, is the Governor of the Socialist State of California. The purpose of her addressing the Gray Pimpernel’s plight was to use it as an excuse to once again attack the Republican Party and also to minimize the damage that Davis has done to his own state which happens to be the governing body for the leftist holy cities of Hollywood and Malibu.
Our villain begins by conceding that Davis is doing a poor job at present: “It was probably inevitable that California money guys would try to recast the state's unimpressive top executive while his show was running.” Yet, notice that she blames the recall on “money guys” as opposed to an outraged citizenship who give Davis an approval rating in the twentieth percentile. The people collected 900,000 signatures to give this spendthrift an early retirement, but, to Dowd, it is the fat cats who want him out.
This lie is reflective of the bankruptcy of modern day anti-liberalism. The leftists think that what is yours is there’s, and when you question it, you become the embodiment of a rich bastard; even if you only make 30,000 dollars a year. It’s just like when the Bolsheviks robbed and liquidated the fictitious kulak class in the twenties and thirties.
Dowd says this recall, “revolves around two things: cars and money.” This statement is based on Darrell Issa, a Californian Congressional Representative, having obtained his wealth from the sales of the Viper car alarm system. She states that he’d like the governor’s job and that’s the real reason they’re going through this mess. A reference to the crimes Issa committed as a youth is made as well: “Now he is trying to hot-wire the political system and speed away with the governorship.”
Certainly, Issa would like the job and he also appears to have the type of cash that you and I can only fantasize about. So what? Just about every member of Congress has a great deal of wealth. What’s different about this situation is that Davis refused to veto the amphetamine spending habits of the California legislature. They spend and spend and never cut one damn thing unless it’s at gunpoint. That’s why they’re having a recall, not because of Issa’s funds.
The sinister columnist then tries to play all of this off as a personal attack on Davis by Issa. How ridiculous. This is exactly why no one should support the Democratic Party. There is no such thing as a time-limited government program. They stay in the country forever like Alec Baldwin and the Dixie Chicks. They remain as law regardless of whether they’re effective or not. The Democrats cannot bring themselves to cut spending under any circumstances. They have no idea whether the programs they adopt help anyone, and, frankly, they couldn’t care less. After all, it’s not their money. They steal and steal from a bewildered populace and now the result is that California’s bonds hover near the region commonly known as “junk.”
Absolutely Davis should be blamed and recalled, but the real mismanagement is the practice of the negligent religion known as “liberalism” (with its speech codes, hate crime legislation, and affirmative action, it should really be called anti-liberalism).
Dowd heavy-handedly distorts the rationale for his recall. “Part of the antipathy toward Mr. Davis was that, with his cycle of fund-raising and favor, he was the personification of money distorting the system.” This is an utter lie. He put a state so far in the red that the chances of them ever getting out are next to nil. California will likely forever be cursed with a Democratically dominated legislature that hates corporations and cuts off its torso to save its toes.
Politicians who think in the–twenty-five pieces short of a complete jigsaw puzzle– fashion of Maureen Dowd have made it likely that California, in the words of Rancid, “will slip into the f------ ocean.”
This may well be true but it is unfortunate for all the solid conservatives who are grossly outnumbered there. This is a state that catapulted Ronald Reagan onto the national scene and its people definitely deserve better. It is a true irony that some of the strongest and most solid conservatives I know hail from its cities. The editor of this website, along with the editor of pipebombnews.org are Californians who no doubt question the point of their voting at all.
If you ask me, this state would fare far better if it were it to change its motto to something really meaningful like “The Land of Reagan” and repeat the deeds and policies of its greatest citizen.
Bernard Chapin is a writer in Chicago.
