To listen to the hysterical rhetoric after the 2004 presidential election, you would think that aliens had invaded. I’m not talking about friendly “ET” types either. This is more analogous to “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” or the “Borg” ala “Star Trek”. (“Prepare to be assimilated. Resistance is futile!”)

This fear attaches itself to the high turnout among evangelical Christians for the reelection of President Bush. Understandably, those who voted for the other guy feel outnumbered (by about 3.5 million) and endangered. This in turn has led to a form of post-election stress disorder dubbed evangeliphobia.

As a compassionate Evangelical, I’d like to discuss some potential therapy for those suffering. Let’s call it, EDT--Evangelical Desensitization Therapy.

Start with some simple deep breathing techniques. Breathe in through your nose; push the diaphragm toward the spinal chord and breathe out slowly through pursed lips. Feeling better?

Now, close your eyes and picture a quiet stream. You can hear water rolling over nearby rocks. Imagine an Evangelical sitting across the stream from you. Don’t panic. The stream is too wide for him to jump across. You’re safe. Slow your breathing down again and concentrate on the image. Notice he has nothing in his hand. His Bible is safe at home. He is unarmed. He cannot hurt you. Look, he’s smiling. He looks friendly.

Desensitization progresses gradually toward limited encounters with the feared object until the fear is overcome. Work through the visualization until you can successfully imagine the Evangelical encounter without any spikes in blood pressure or heart rate.

Gradually work toward physical proximity. Try riding by an evangelical church in a car. A Baptist or Evangelical Free Church will do. Choose a designated driver, as the potential for sudden seizures or fight/flight reactions can lead to traffic mishaps.

As you ride by the church slow your breathing and note that there are no public stonings of pagans in the parking lot. Everything looks serene. There are no crosses burning in the front lawn. It’s just a building with a pointy thing in the middle and perhaps an unlit cross atop that. You have nothing to fear.

Go to a mall and walk through it, and imagine that some of the folks around you are Evangelicals. With eighty million of them in the U.S., there is a good likelihood that there are in fact actual Evangelicals in the crowd. This is true even in blue states. If you start to hyperventilate simply imagine that all the Evangelicals have left for a showing of “The Passion.”

By now you probably understand the concept. Let your imagination go. You could pick up a magazine like Billy Graham’s Decision to see pictures of real Evangelicals. You could buy a life-size Ned Flanders doll and have mock conversations with him.

Eventually, take the final step and invite an Evangelical to lunch. If you don’t know any Evangelicals one can be assigned to you by calling your local evangelical congregation. The church will be happy to assist you.

When you finally are able to sit across a table from a real, live, flesh-and-blood Evangelical, you will find they are a lot like you. They are American citizens who care about their country and choose to vote for the candidate they think will best strengthen their nation.

Chances are, they won’t be packing a weapon or grab you by the lapels. When you turn your back they will not forcibly baptize you with their glass of drinking water. In some cases, they might even pick up the check. In all likelihood, you will survive your encounter and feel a renewed sense of vigor, like one who has run across a bed of burning coals. Remember, what doesn’t kill you, can only make you stronger.

Jay Beuoy